you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
