his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
