youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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