Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
