i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
