I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
