it's like iHOP with fire
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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