just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
