watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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