quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
