Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
