I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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