Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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