Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
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I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
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He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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