She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
