No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
