some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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