i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i love accidental penises.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
