Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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