my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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