If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
