i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
