I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
