I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
