Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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