No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize