You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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