at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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