Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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