Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
