If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
