i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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