Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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