By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
