I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
