whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
