Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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