i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
