u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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