remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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