During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
