Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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