dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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