Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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