WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
a search helicopter?!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
