Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
operation have a gay friend backfired
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
