we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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