I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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