The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
