I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
This is classic penis vs brain.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
