Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
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I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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