D3 body, D1 cock
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
