hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
