Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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