I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.