Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
