I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
