So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
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