dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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