apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Randomize
