She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So vagazzling was a success
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
