I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize