I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
