just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
