i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
