He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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