God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
