I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I want leopard sheets
thats the plan
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
my liver is dry heaving
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.