Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
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Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it