How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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