plz talk dirty to me
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.