Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY