We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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