Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
