dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
