I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
