In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
