Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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