Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
