The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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