brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
