I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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