end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
