Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
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Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
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Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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