fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
