she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
