i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
